


Hey, It's Me

by Hyperion_of_Elsinore



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
Genre: F/F, Implication of abuse, One Shot, Plot, Spoilers, catradora, i.e. shadow weaver sucks, please don't read if you haven't finished the show, story coincides with plot events
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-02 11:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16785955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperion_of_Elsinore/pseuds/Hyperion_of_Elsinore
Summary: Catra's been having a hard time since Adora abandoned the Horde. Not only have the pressures of being a Force Captain begun to set in, but she's still in mourning over the loss of her best friend. Not like she'd ever let Adora know that, of course.Catra is, however, able to find solace in writing a series of letters to Adora that get a bit out of hand.





	1. Chapter 1

Hey...it's me.

Your good ol' buddy pal Catra. Writing (yeah, writing. On real paper and everything, can you believe it? Me either) this stupid dumb letter filled with nonsense junk. Yeah, yeah, you've only been gone like, a day, but whatever.

Turns out, it's actually pretty boring around here without your ugly mug stinking up the place. Although, I guess it wasn't all that interesting before you left either. ~~Just maybe...a little more tolerable?~~ You don't understand, I am literally going to _die_ of boredom here if you don't get back soon.

I'm sure you'll have something equally stupid and nerdy to say about me getting so riled up about you within twenty hours of you leaving. But hey...girl's gotta worry about her ~~bestie gal pal best~~ friend sometimes, right?

I guess with that said, I am a little, sorta concerned. I mean...no one's heard from you since you disappeared into the Whispering Woods.

Yeesh and if that weren't enough, Shadow Weaver's been breathing down my neck ever since last night. It's seriously annoying. She somehow blames me for all this, even though it was totally your decision to leave. Although, what else is new?

"Cover for me", honestly, have you ever tried to keep _anything_ secret from Shadow Weaver? Wait, who do I think I'm ~~talking~~ writing too. Uh, _duh_?

But really, the woman won't leave me alone. She's all like "Bluh where's Adora? What'd you do to her Catra? I know you know cause I know everything, Catra, bla bla bla, I see everything in this facility bla bla bla. I monitor eeeeeeeeveryone Catra. I even watch Hordak while he's showering with my spooky shadow magic cause I'm a big ol' creep-o."

Hahahahahaha

She didn't actually say that last part, but can you _imagine_?

Gosh maybe she has seen Lord Hordak naked, what do I know. Actually, ew never mind, jumping off that train of thought immediately.

Seriously though. It's getting annoying how persistent she is. 

Now I'm stuck here, hiding out in a supply closet from Ms. Doom and Gloom, writing out this whole long dumb letter you'll never read. I mean, what can I say. I was dying of boredom and there was just this big old stack of paper being old. What else was I supposed to do, cause sitting around thinking out every possible way you could have died in those woods sure wasn't helping much.

Man, if you ever find out I wrote this--I'd never hear the end of it, would I? You've always been way too mushy about these sorts of things, I doubt I'd ever live this down.

You know what, maybe I will let you have a go at it when you get back after all. Watch as you get that big goofy grin on your face, being all touched that I was so worried about you and stuff. All the crap you'd give me might be worth it, just for that.

It's hard, you know. Not realizing the little things that make your everyday just that much less unbearable until they're not there anymore. You never did know how much your smile really just...made my day, did you?

Yeah, uh, you're definitely not getting your hands on this now.

Ah darn, I think I hear Shadow Weaver trying the lock. Heh heh, jokes on her, I blocked the door with a mop.

Anyway, gotta bounce.

Come back soon, okay?

-Catra

P.S.

Hey, it's me, future Catra. Or, future Catra for the Catra that originally wrote this letter, past Catra for you, present Catra for me. Whatever, just listen.

Shadow Weaver asked me to go out and search for you. I guess...it's really gotten that serious then, huh? Normally I wouldn't be so wound up about all this. I mean, it's _you_ we're talking about, after all. Almost every time we've ever fought, you've always won. Like, every single time. And I know how strong I am. Honestly, I doubt there's a thing in those woods that could take you on and walk away in one piece, even any one of those dumb princesses.

But...it has been a while since you left.

So, see you soon then, I hope.

-Future Catra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all intents and purposes, this is supposed to be the length of a one shot. However, I've organized it into chapters to make the letters feel a bit more separate from one another.


	2. Chapter 2

I guess I could preface this letter with some sort of introduction but, well, why don't we just jump straight into things?

You are such a little _liar._

Oh ho man, what am I saying, there's nothing _little_ about this! A _princess_? Are you _kidding me_?! Where do I even begin? There's just so much to unpack right there, not to mention you _apparently_ turning against the Hoard. No, no we're getting to that _later_.

Let's start here: how? How could you have never told me this, frankly, kind of big secret? I thought we told each other everything. That's what you said, you said there were no secrets between us. With Shadow Weaver and the Hoard, sure, but never with each other. I've told you _everything._ I've given you _everything_.

So why? What was so important, what was so _secret_ that you couldn't tell me this? Were you _ever_ planning on telling me?

Did you think i wouldn't accept you or something? Because uh, you're my best friend. Obviously, I would have been fine with the fact you're apparently a princess. I wouldn't have ratted on you either. I swear, I wouldn't have told anyone. Of everything I am, I'm definitely not a snitch. You had to have known that. I'm not that kind of person. And even if I did care a little bit more about the integrity of the Hoard, I would never want to put you in a situation where you might be taken away. I guess I just thought...you'd put a little more trust in me than this.

How long have you known, anyway? Or maybe you've just always secretly been a twelve-foot tall glowing woman with a magical sword.

I...guess I really should go a little easier on you about all this. It must have been hard on you too, keeping something this big a secret, especially with Shadow Weaver breathing down everyone's backs. Plus all that talk about you being a shining example of the Hoard's training program, being all destined for greatness and all that dumb stuff Shadow Weaver always went on about. I can't imagine the pressure you must have been under: a Horde Force Captain that's secretly a princess, the exact thing we're trying to squash out. I guess that would be a little hard on anyone.

So, yes, I guess I can sympathize _a little_. You are my best friend, after all. That doesn't mean I'm not still pissed with you.

I don't know, I just thought...we were different with each other?

I guess I thought a lot of things.

But then, it doesn't matter what I think, does it? No, you never cared about what I wanted. Otherwise, you might have blown off this place a long time ago, back when I wanted to. Maybe I just wasn't ever honest enough about what I wanted. So then neither of us has been entirely truthful with the other then, have we?

Euck that gotta pretty sappy super quick. Ugh, I dunno...I mean honestly, do you think I give a damn about the whole princess thing? I really couldn't care less. You're still the same old lovable goof either way. Frankly, I wouldn't care if you were a bright orange bird from outer space that spit chunks of acidic rock. So obviously the princess thing is fine. Actually, scratch that, I think it's totally badass. Are you kidding me? You took down _tanks_ with a freaking _sword_. That's so ridiculously _cool_.

But then you just had to go and leave the Hoard and ruin it all by being weird and turning on the Hoard. Why leave now? You don't really think I'm stupid enough to buy that you've only _just_ figured out that we aren't exactly the good guys. You have to have realized what Shadow Weaver was like. You saw how she treated us, how she treated me. Yet you were so quick to abandon everything you had here for the sake of strangers. Why couldn't you do the same for me? Didn't you see I was suffering too? ~~You had to know how I felt about you, you can't not have known.~~

It doesn't matter now, I guess. Look at me getting all bent out of shape over nothing.

I don't need you, anyway.

I'll do just fine on my own here. You'll see. I'll make sure you do.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, it's me.

I just worked it out. The whole princess thing, that's never _just_ been you, has it?

It's that sword.

Catra


	4. Chapter 4

Force Captain's Log, Entry One

This, what I'm doing right now? Is ridiculously stupid.

Shadow Weaver gave me this dumb tape recorder so I could record the " _progress_ " I've made in capturing you. I'm sorry, ' _rescuing_ ". There were air quotes there, by the way. Really hard thing to do with a log recorder in your hand, just so you know.

Yeah well, I guess Shadow Weaver doesn't entirely trust the idea of me being a Force Captain yet. Or me, in general. Go figure. So she ordered me to start making these dumb recordings to "track my activity" and make sure I wasn't royally screwing up my first week as a Force Captain.

Honestly? I don't think she's ever going to even listen to this. Anything she really needed to know she'd find out with her dark voodoo magic stuff. Probably just trying to keep me busy while she can't keep an eye on me, keeping me out of her long oily shadow tendril hair or whatever. Normally I'd just blow it off, but she told Scorpia to make sure I'm actually using this dumb thing every once in a while, so that sucks.

Alright well, here's my first status update: I'm in the middle of the ocean. Correction, I am in the middle of the ocean with a band of losers and one touchy, overgrown lobster. In case you were wondering: yeah, this is literally the worst. Well currently, I'm camped out on top of the mast trying to avoid interaction with you know who because at this point, it's not only the sea that's making me sick.

Urp, ugh, everything's swaying. I think my stomach has permanently migrated to my throat.

I hate the ocean. I'm totally going to die out here.

So you better be grateful when we finally make it to Seaworthy so I can drag your sorry ass back home with us.

**Oh, there you are Catra!**

Oh no.

**Oh ho, taking in the view up there, huh? Isn't it just spectacular? All this ocean, for miles and miles. Seemingly never-ending planes of salt and water all around us. Man if we wrecked, we could just drift out here forever and no one would ever know where to look for us. Isn't it just great?**

Oh god, I think I'm actually going to be sick.

* * *

Force Captain's Log One...continued. One...point one? One version two? One 'A'? Whatever.

I'm hiding from Scorpia below deck. It was pretty easy to shake her, actually. I just waited until she started rambling again about all this morbid watery graves stuff. Seriously, I don't know how she can stand it out here at all. The woman gives me a weird vibe, she's too cheery.

Anyway...I guess we're getting pretty close to Seaworthy. I wonder if you'll actually be there.

How will you feel when you see me? I can't even imagine, everything about all of this is just mega throwing me off. Will you still want to stay with the rebellion, or will you finally come to your senses, get over this stupid phase, and come back home?

I guess we'll find out.

Catra, signing off of this stupid, godawful log.


	5. Chapter 5

Force Captain's Log, Third Entry

Well, Ocean World was a big ol' bust. But you already knew that. Goodbye any sliver of hope I'd had of you returning to the Hoard willingly. Which...yeah admittedly, I sort of had been entertaining the idea. I thought this was some weird thing you were working through. I guess I'd never actually thought you were leaving us forever, not really. Although you have now made it abundantly clear to me you have zero intention of leaving the rebellion, which is kind of a big bummer.

Although Shadow Weaver is still bent on getting you back, willingly or not, for some reason. And, much as it kills me to say it, orders are orders and I still gotta do what she wants. Yeah, I know. Me? Willfully following orders? Well, guess what, I've got responsibility and stuff now, which means I need to start paying more attention to what the higher up's what me to do. Even if they want me to do things that are monumentally stupid and are absolutely going to fail, like this. Still, orders are orders are orders. Guess it's time to get a little more creative in capturing you, then.

You know, it's almost laughable. You've been gone nearly two weeks already, and you're still managing to one-up me somehow. Even when you've made it explicitly clear you're against us, for some reason you're still the top priority. Then again, you always were Shadow Weaver's favorite.

I really thought this was just something you needed to work out of your system, some weird sort of mid-life crisis-y junk. I mean I guess even as awesome as I am, I'd be pretty thrown too if I woke up one day and could magically turn myself into an eight-foot-tall magical princess in a cape.

I mean seriously, what's with that stupid get up? Like I get the chest plate for armor reasons or something I guess, but it doesn't even cover half your torso. And what's with your pants? It's like you couldn't decide if you should be wearing a skirt or shorts, so you just chose both for whatever reason. Oh and don't even get me started on how ridiculous that tiara looks, cause I won't stop.

The boots are pretty cool, actually. But you didn't hear that from me.

And I gotta say, those few extra feet are not unkind on you. If I'd known you could've always turned into a tall, muscular she-goddess I'd have hunted down that sword myself. I won't lie, when you took out a whole force of Hoard soldiers in Thaymor by just _hitting the ground_ , my insides were pretty scrambled in more ways than one. I mean, in bad and terrified ways, obviously. But also in ways _you_ could never guess.

Course, you've always had that effect on me. Even before you could turn into a buff sword lady. Not the terrified part I mean, but the...you get it.

Y'know there's a reason I hung back during so many of our simulation drills. Man, I loved to watch you just really _go_. The way your body moved was so...um...poetic? I don't know, something long winded and cheesy. I've never been too good with words. If I tried to describe how awesome I felt just watching you flit around the arena, like gravity wasn't even a thing you were aware of, I would _majorly_ botch it up. I guess that's all I can think to say about it actually: you were just really, really awesome.

Everything else aside, it was crazy impressive. I could get lost watching you swing that stupid metal rod around, like it was an extension of your own body.

*sigh* Man, I wish you'd swing _me_ around like--eek!

 **Catra? Are you talking to someone in there? It's well after curfew, you know. Ooooh, wait, are you having a slumber part? Ah hah, that's great. C'mon, you have to let me join.**

Ugh, give me a sec. I have to go deal with a pest.

* * *

Hey log, I'm back.

Ugh, Scorpia is so _annoying_ sometimes. Seriously, _why_ does she feel like she needs to follow me around everywhere? It's not like Shadow Weaver asked her to _keep_ monitoring me after the mission in Seaworthy. Man, and she's almost as bad at taking a hint as you are. Ok, here's a question: why are all the thick-skulled people attracted to me, hmm?

Anyway, what was I talking about? Ummm mid life crisis, magical sword princess, you being super awesome at hitting things, me wanting you to--errp ok, remembered.

Seriously, you were pretty cool.

But I guess that wasn't ever enough, was it? My adoration, my total dedication, my complete attention. No, you always needed more than my approval. It's never been about what I thought. Otherwise, maybe you'd have considered abandoning the Hoard a lot sooner.

I mean...I guess I never told you I wanted to leave. Not explicitly.

Because for a long time, all I wanted to do was get out.

But...I never could have left without you. And this, this was your _dream_. I couldn't take that away from you. So I bit my tongue and curled my toes and suffered through it. Because you were so damn important to me. You know what's funny, is that none of it really matters anymore. Even after all I went through for _you_ , you still abandoned me.

And if that weren't enough, now you've got the nerve to go and directly defy me. You've been an irritating thorn in my side ever since you ditched, in both a personal and professional way.

Why? Why do we suddenly have to be enemies now?

You left me all alone with Shadow Weaver. For what? To go off and play dress up games with your new friends?

I just...I just _can't_ anymore, Adora.


	6. Chapter 6

Force Captain's Log...I totally skipped two. So, two, but really three.

Yeah, Shadow Weaver's totally making me pull guard duty, which is ultra _lame_. Man, I bet she wouldn't even make Lonnie do something this boringly arbitrary. And she's not even a _force captain_. Yet here I am, standing alone in a hallway while she's sitting in there murmuring sweet nothing's to her weird-ass shadows, trying to "take things into her own hands" or whatever.

Actually, speaking of Lonnie, her little group has been a particularly sharp pain in my neck the last few days. Kyle overheard me making that first log on the ship, and I swear to god I cannot handle it here anymore. Stupid Lonnie keeps calling it my "secret diary", which is just--ok first off that's _dumb_ and second, _very untrue_.

I'm way too cool for diaries. Instead, I create pointless messages under the guise of status updates that really only serve as kind of pathetic cries for help I try to pass off as reports of mundane activity and duty all of which are for some reason addressed to my childhood best friend who recently defected to join a group of bright glowy magical women whose defining characteristics are " _sparkles_ " and " _flowers_ ".

...

Oof.

Uuuuugh yeah no, this is totally a diary. And I hate it.

This is where we're at in my life right now. I'm keeping a stupid freaking diary. Happy?

....I need to get a better hold of things. And my life. In general.

Which, I am. I mean, I do. Have my life together. Completely.

I mean, I really only make these tapes to vent. Of course, I _used_ to just bother you with whatever, but since you're not _here_ anymore, I've got...

Ok, I've _got_ to stop getting so serious with these stupid recordings.

What was I saying?

Right.

Guard Duty.

You don't understand, it's such a pain. I'm just stuck waiting out here until she finishes her weird freaky spying magic stuff. Ugh, what is even the _point_ of this? It's not like anything else Shadow Weaver's been doing has actually been working

Even before we started this whole dumb business of tracking you down, we've never even been able to send troops further than the Whispering Woods. What makes her think just cause you're there now, we can suddenly breach one of the rebellion's most impenetrable defenses?

Honestly, what does she think is going to happen when you get back, anyway? That seeing home will somehow miraculously make you want to come running back? That's rich.

I know you. I've known you my whole life. But the person in Theymor and Seaworthy...that wasn't you.

You...the _real_ you, the you that belonged to me...she's gone. And I've accepted that. I've _moved on_. So why can't Shadow Weaver just let it go? Why does she keep insisting on keeping up her stupid mind games and dumb ploys to get back a force captain that, honestly? Has done jack squat for the Horde.

The more I think about it, the more I realize just how useless you were to us. You know it's true. You've never been out on a mission, never commanded a team, never actually did anything more than play teacher's pet. Sure you had higher course scores than anyone else but yours truly. But what did any of that matter when you only ended up turning those skills against us?

But, me? Completely different story. I've _done_ things. I've led a crew, headed an actual mission, kept my promotion for more than, like, a day. It doesn't matter whether or not Shadow Weaver thinks I'm capable: I've proven myself more useful to the Horde than you _ever_ were.

And just you wait, it won't be long before I--I--ahhh ha Force Captain Octavia! I did _not_ see you there.

......

Yeah, Shadow Weaver's not really _seeing_ anyone right now, soooo...

..........

Well, why don't you let her know yourself when she's done with whatever nasty dark stuff she's up to in there.

.............

...y-yes Force Captain, I'll let her know.

....

....

Hey, I'm back. Urrgh gosh that woman really gets under my skin. Stupid dumb face Octavia, she's always been a real nightmare. Couldn't even be bothered to just, I don't know, come back later and talk to Shadow Weaver herself. No, she had to get all weird and threatening. And the way she talks is just really...creepy. All odd and whispery. It's like she's always just barely holding herself back from cutting me open.

Honestly, she probably only does it cause I jacked up her eye way back when.

Whatever, I already forgot what she wanted me to tell Shadow Weaver anyway.

Speaking of the devil, she's been awfully quiet the past few minutes. Wonder what's up.

Ugh, better go check on her. Make sure she didn't plant face first into that weird spooky pool and end up drowning herself.

So B-R-B I guess. Unless she's not alive, then I might be a bit longer.

Laters


	7. Chapter 7

Force Captain's Log, Entry Five

I think Shadow Weaver's sick. I've heard her coughing a lot lately, which is a big deal for that woman. Cause no physical displays of vulnerability allowed in the Horde, or whatever. She's also seemed just a little...less forceful lately, too. I wonder if something's up with her magic. Or maybe it's just the flu, what do I know.

Hey, do you remember that time I got sick a few years ago? I was so gross, I'm pretty sure I was like 80% snot. It was like I couldn't keep the stuff inside of me. Seriously, I thought my nose was going to fall off. Remember, Kyle would shriek like a little baby any time I sneezed even generally near him?

You probably don't.

But I got this seriously terrible cough, really nasty and raspy. I could literally feel my soul leaving my body each time I started hacking. It got really, _really_ bad since I kept holding them in. Also because I refused to skip training. Cause I was dumb and tried to hide the symptoms. I mean, that's what we're supposed to do, right? Show no weaknesses.

Although, once they found out I don't think Lonnie and them were more afraid of me than when I was a living mucous ball.

Of course Shadow Weaver figured out something was up real quick, the nosy woman. She kept threatening to kick me onto the streets if I "contaminated" you or whatever with my "pitiful sneezing." Jeez, the woman just never let's up, does she? Still, I'd been able to otherwise contain it pretty well, but it stretched me really thin. I was completely miserable.

I forgot how you figured out I was sick. LIke _really_ sick. That this wasn't just allergies like I"d been saying. I think I remember throwing up a lot, maybe you caught me doing that. Or maybe you just sort of...knew.

You know, you've got the oddest sense of intuition. It never works when it really should, but when someone's really, _physically_ hurting, you just always seem to know. And ya big goof, you were all over it, getting worried about me and stuff.

Even when I kept _saying_ I was totally fine, told you to stay in your own damn lane, you just couldn't help yourself but care about me. It was really...nice of you. And honestly, I was kind of scared myself. I could tell something was pretty seriously wrong when it didn't clear up after a whole month. I never told you this, but one night I coughed up a little blood.

After that, I was so nervous and miserable, I couldn't sleep at all. Three hours into lights out, I was still flopping uselessly back and forth in bed. A few days straight of this, I gave in and ended up sneaking out to get some air.

Do you remember that night?

When you followed me up to the roof, worried I'd finally lost it? You found me sitting on the railing, a whole gross sniveling mess. I think it was one of the only times you'd caught me crying since we were little.

You didn't say anything, just put your hand on my back and began rubbing it in slow, small circles.

It was weirdly clear out that night, I remember that, and oddly quiet. At least, as quiet as this place can get. Even the sky seemed a little less hazy, I think we could even make out a few dim stars. And we just sat like that, looking up at the sky, and out beyond the Fright Zone. Completely content with just...existing there together, wordlessly.

It was nice.

It made me realize how much you really cared about me for _me_. That we didn't have to say anything, that just being near me was enough.

No one else has ever treated me like that. Now that I think about it, that was probably also the night I...

You know what, nevermind.

Haha, what am I even talking about? Jeez wow Catra, get a grip. Way to make this log so sentimental. Guess I just naturally get more touchy-feely when I'm talking to you. Even when I'm..not really talking _to_ you.

I wonder, if I'd been more honest more often, would you have still left me? If I'd told you how I really felt about everything? Heh, I guess I'll probably never have the chance to now, seeing as the likelihood of you coming home is turning out to be a big fat zero.

Anyway, next update will be way less mushy. Promise.

Later


	8. Chapter 8

Entry Six

You know, Shadow Weaver never said I had to be reporting _to_ anyone, specifically. I wonder...why am I making them for you, then?

I guess you really did a number on me, huh. You were almost as bad as Shadow Weaver, in your own way. Making me so dependant on you. Even still, even now, I can't seem to stop myself from running back to you. Even if it's like this. In these--these stupid pathetic recordings no one's ever going to care about.

Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ , _stupid_. Why do I even _need_ you still? I've been doing so _well_ on my own. Why can't I just--urgh!

*CCCRKKZzzzzhhhh chk*


	9. Chapter 9

Entry Seven

Well, luckily I was able to get this thing back in one piece, with my expert technical skills. Actually, the power button just fell off. I stole some super glue off Scorpia and, hey, you'd almost never know it was smashed against a wall.

Uh, anyway.

I've been listening back to some of my old logs after, you know, what happened last time.

God, I really am pathetic, aren't I? I sound like some dumb little kid who can't be alone for more than two seconds. I--wait no, I'm totally doing it again, aren't I? That whole whiny thing. Ok, you know what? Let's change things up for once, then. Get ready, cause I'm about to give an actual report. For once.

Uh...well things at the Fright Zone are...pretty boring, actually. Still trying to capture you. Still failing, epically. Oh, I tried to pull a prank on Scorpia the other day. It...well it didn't go at all like I thought it would. I did that one thing, you remember right? That I pulled one time during sim practice?

((Why I'm asking a tape recorder if it can remember things, dur dur))

Yeah, well, it was when I snuck into the simulation control room and messed with your VR goggles. Haha honestly I didn't know what the heck I was doing, just that it was jacking up your set. Ended up projecting the enemy targets onto the others. You spent the next half hour chasing Lonnie and them around the training room. Hahaha man, they were so freakin' terrified. I think Kyle peed himself. It was hilarious.

Oh but was Shadow Weaver _pissed_. Not only did I end up having to pull chore duty for everyone involved for like a _week_ but she hardly let me leave my room for nearly a month. Something about sabotaging your opportunity for greatness, or bla bla bla whatever.

Absolutely worth it, though.

Eh anyway, I figured out how to do something similar with Scorpia's ship. Actually, I totally made Kyle do it, since the last time I messed with the wiring on a cruiser it ended up busted. I'm sure you remember that one, at least.

But now it registers random objects as enemy combatants: sets off the alarm and everything. Which was the _perfect_ prank, seeing as she takes it out to fly over the wastes, like, every single freaking day for some reason. Guess we all have our own ways of coping.

I thought it would be good for a laugh, but...turns out she just blasted a bunch of rocks.

I'm pretty sure she knew she wasn't actually shooting rebels too, she was just having fun firing the laser.

Uuuuuuugh there's no one fun around here anymore since you skipped base.

Hey, how're things going in your neck of the woods, anyway? Hahaha, get it, cause you're living in the woods like some hillbilly dirt hick? I mean, what do you even do for fun now? Don't tell me, something lame, probably. Like go _outside_ and _appreciate nature_ or oh! Oh my god, I bet you go bird watching now with your new loser friends.

Man, I bet you aren't even doing anything cool with that new sword of yours. I can just see that stupid queen of yours getting all bent out of shape about using it _responsibly_. She seems like someone who would hate fun.

And you've never been one to defy authority -- until very recently, I suppose -- so you're probably being lame and listening to her, aren't you?

If it were you and me, we would've had fun. Blasting rocks -- in a cool and non-accidental way -- and freaking out locals. Oh. oh, just _imagine_ the pranks we could pull with that newfound She-ra super strength you've got going for you there. Seems such a waste, really, using it for the rebellion. They don't deserve it. Or you. Although I don't think there's a person on this planet who does, to be honest.

But I mean...you and me, we had fun, right? I wasn't making that up? Obviously, it sucked here, especially on my end of things, but when we were together it was ok, right? You weren't, like, miserable. Were you?

You...actually liked being around me, yeah?

The Horde was the only reason you left? Even though it's dumb, I guess I can understand that. Things kinda suck here. Things kinda suck everywhere, though.

It's not that bad anymore. For me, anyways. Now that I'm a Force Captain and all. And I mean, we both know that things here were never really that terrible for you.

Those new friends of yours must be really something then, huh? If you're so bent on staying with them. That guy in the midriff armor and the one with the pink hair. Are they really so special? I guess they must be, you seem to all be pretty attached. It's kind of super gross and cheesy, actually.

Guess I can count myself lucky in one way: most people don't get the opportunity to find out who's replaced them. Hey, can I ask you something serious? Like, seriously serious. What am I to you? No, really. Have I always just been the distraction. Something to dote on and entertain yourself with while you weren't caught up in your own ambition. Just someone to keep you busy, while you figured out how to get out of our pitiful situation, in your own way. Through your ambition.

Well then, what does that make me now? An old friend? An enemy? A threat? Something to toss out? Is that it? Have I lost my worth to you now that you have those shiny new toys, become something to cast aside like a piece of garbage? Not that I'd really blame you if you did.

Don't waste your time answering that. Obviously, you've got much better things to be doing with your time now than wasting it on me. Guess I'll see you around or something. Next time we try to invade the Whispering Woods, or whatever.

Catra, signing off.


	10. Chapter 10

Entry...eight? I think? Probably definitely eight.

I'm sitting here bored out of my _mind_ waiting for Scorpia to get ready for this stupid dance. We've been doing this literally _forever_. Really, how long does it take to pick out some dumb dress?

I mean...ok yes, I may have spent the better part of three hours this morning pulling together this suit and tie, but at least I didn't put it off until the last minute like _soME PEOPLE._

Sorry.

But seriously, we have way more important things to be doing than worrying about clothes. Like, _supposedly_ Lonnie already has the heat bombs set up, although I've yet to see the damn things. And we still hafta figure out how we're going to work them into Scorpia's outfit, or how we're going to sneak them in if security notices and makes us fork 'em over at the front gate. And we still need to worry about getting guard uniforms for Lonnie and Kyle, and...ugh there are just so many things that could go wrong tonight...

I mean, they won't.

Cause it's my plan and _my_ operation that _I'm_ heading so, obviously it's going to go perfectly. But still, there's soooo much that could just, so easily screw itself up. Even if I do everything flawlessly, I'm not gonna lie, there's a huge potential this completely blows up in our faces.

I mean for starters, this whole thing is banking on the idea they even _let_ me and Scorpia in, which is still way up in the air. If we're kicked out, we're pretty much done right there.

Although, from what she's been telling me, this dance thing is pretty old school. She said they'd have to let us in, something about upholding tradition, but ehhh I dunno that sounds really dumb. If it were me, and if I had any small amount of common sense at all, I would definitely keep out two Horde soldiers that'd love to see the downfall of pretty much everyone going to this thing. To be fair though, I'm pretty sure common sense is the last thing any of these princesses have.

Whatever, I'll figure out some way to get in, even if it's not through the front.

But you know, that's not even the part that's worrying me most. Because by far, the most unpredictable factor in all of this is _you_.

Scorpia said there's a strict 'no weapons' policy which, first off is super DUMB. Weapons are freaking awesome. Man, who are these lame-o's you're hanging around now anyway?

But I guess that means they SHOULD confiscate that damn sword of yours. So Scorpia thinks it'll be a cinch if things go South and we need to fight our way out, seeing as She-ra will be out of commission momentarily.

Although, she's never seen you fight without your powers.

I have. I know what you're capable of, even without three extra feet and the strength to throw a tank. That's why it's so important that _I'm_ the one who executes what is probably the most important part of this plan: handling you.

Not going to lie, it's kinda nerve-wracking. Yet at the same time, I'm so excited I can't sit still.

Oh ho, this is gonna be _fun_.


	11. Chapter 11

Entry Nine

Hey, Adora? You suck.

Hhhhhh just when I think I'm over you, you--you just--! Ugh! And now I'm sitting here in this stupid suit getting worked up, and letting Kyle take care of your dumb friends instead of doing it myself, like I _should_ be.

It's so damn _frustrating._ No, not it, _you_. Everything about you. Just when I think I've escaped you, that I can live without you, I turn around and you're there, pulling me back. Like some sick game of tug o' war. I keep pulling and pulling away from you, but I can't ever get out of this. Because each time I see you, I just--just--

Ok, ya know what? Screw it. Who cares about keeping these logs professional anymore. Haha, I mean really when have they _ever_ been? Who cares if Shadow Weaver actually is listening to these, let her find out all my deep dark personal secrets. Like there's anything she doesn't know, anyway. I don't care if she uses this to blackmail or--or to humiliate me later. I'm so done, she can just go do whatever. I'm done trying to be all cagey about things, to pretend I don't feel things, cause it's just so _exhausting_.

I'm so sick of pretending I don't like you, Adora.

Not just like, like you. I _like_ you.

Really, what did you think was going on? I've been throwing hints at you for _years_ now. And they weren't even _remotely_ subtle. Wha'didja think it was, me always being so close and touchy with you all the time and so distant with everyone else? I'd latch onto you any chance I got, excusing it as roughhousing or friendship or whatever. Whatever!

How on earth could you not have figured it out when I was so obviously into you? You're the only one in the Fright Zone who hasn't. I'm pretty sure even Shadow Weaver worked it out a while ago, for as crazy and sociopathic as she is. Are you _really_ that dense?

Who do I even think I'm talking to, _of course you are_. And that's...one of the things that makes you so charming. You're just way too stupid for your own good. Too pure for all this crap the Horde's been throwing at us all these years.

Seriously, I was enamored with you. Completely head over heels, goo-goo eyed, gross mushy gushy in lov-ve.

...

.........

I...........

Hhhhh..........

Then you...you just had to go and ruin it. Running off without me to seek out some weird magical princess destiny with your new friends and new life. Ya know, that was a real eye-opener. Made me see how things really were, between you and I.

I wasn't ever good enough for you. That was it, wasn't it? Nothing I did would have ever made you truly happy. I always knew I never deserved you, but this has been a real slap in the face. Yet even still, even knowing nothing I could ever do will make you come home--I still want you, Adora,

Gosh, why do you think I've been trying so damn hard to get you back? Cause it ain't just Shadow Weaver and Hordac getting on my case. Why do you think I tried so hard to look nice at that stupid dance? It wasn't for Scorpia's sake, I can tell you that, and I sure as hell didn't give a damn what any of those princesses thought.

Well, all but one princess, I guess.

You know, I felt happier playing that stupid game of cat and mouse with you in one evening than I have the entire time I've spent here since you left. I hate it. Ugh, look at me! I just carried out the most successful mission against the rebellion the Horde has ever seen, and here I am moping, bitter and lovesick, ranting to a tape recorder!

I have the princess of Brightmoon. I have your _sword_. Is that enough for you, then, Adora? Is that enough to make you come back? Your new powers, your new friends? Because I can see now, I was obviously never enough to come back for. You've made it clear, time and time again, I'm not worth saving.

I can't stand you. For what you've done to me, for what you did to the Horde. Every time I see your beautiful face I just want to push it down in the dirt until you're coughing up rocks and soil, then pull you up and kiss you until you've forgotten all about this stupid war, and Brightmoon, and the Horde, and everything.

...

No...I'm better than this. I...need to be more together than this. We've both stepped into something a whole lot bigger than either of us. We just chose different sides, that's all. And I need to accept that. I'm going places, and I can't keep dragging you with me. It's just slowing both of us down.

You know...right now, I'm actually kind of glad you never figured out how I felt about you. That way I won't have to worry about breaking your heart when I break everything else you've been working so hard to build.

You know, actually, I think I'm going to go pay your princess friend a little visit.

See you soon, Adora.


	12. Chapter 12

Log eleven...twelve? Ugh, whatever, I don't have time for this.

Shadow Weaver has you locked up in the Black Garnet Chamber along with that stupid princess. I don't know what she's planning on doing to you in there, and frankly, I really can't find myself caring at this point. I just feel like...I know that I can't just let this happen to you.

I shouldn't be so shocked Shadow Weaver went and betrayed me like that, but hey, life's full of surprises. I guess I just never thought she'd stoop so low as to take Force Captain away from me. But really, what did I think was going to happen when we finally got you back? That you and I would just go back to normal, except this time we could both be the ones calling the shots? Working together, as equals? That's laughable, you and I have never been equals, as far as the Horde is concerned.

But you know what, maybe that is what I thought. I think I liked the idea of us working together again, on level ground for once. I let the idea blind me, make me weak.

I don't know, I'm rambling. Kinda nervously. Because I know what I'm about to do next, and I have zero clue what's going to happen after that. And yeah, frankly that kinda scares me a bit.

I...I have your sword.

Right here, right in front of me. I was able to nab it in all the commotion from Shadow Weaver's room. It was unguarded, too. I think it was Lonnie's shift, but last I heard she was a little preoccupied with your 'friends'.

I'm standing here with it, right now. It's in my hand. It feels...warm, somehow.

Part of me wants to destroy it, or hide it somewhere you'll never find it. Be done with this whole magical princess She-ra nonsense. But I could never do that to you.

I think I know what I need to do.

Here goes hoping I don't screw everything up.


	13. Chapter 13

Adora, I...I...

*sniff*

I am so sorry.

I had no idea that Shadow Weaver...that she was planning to...

I can't believe she was just going to _erase your memories_ like that.

If I'd known...I never would've left you alone with that crazy woman. I mean, we've both put up with a lot of her, but I feel like mind tampering -- in the literal sense anyway -- is where I'd kinda like to draw the line.

When I heard she threatened to take your mind away like that...it scared me. Really, do you think she'd stop at erasing your memories of She-ra and the rebellion? Shadow Weaver's always seen me as a burden on you, as something slowing you down. I have no doubt she would have enjoyed smearing me out of your brain while she was in there.

Anything to make you more her perfect little soldier.

But...ugh...I mean obviously, that isn't the only reason I didn't want her clearing out your head. Maybe that was why I gave you that damn sword, 'cause I was afraid of what'd happen to you if you stayed.

I'm not sure why I helped you escape, honestly. Just...it was sort of something in the moment.

It was the way you looked at me when I left you there, all pitiful and hopeless. You were begging me with your eyes and damn it, even now I can't resist you.

It was like, it suddenly didn't matter whose side we were on. War, rebellions, Shadow Weaver, all this time between us, none of that mattered. In that moment, you just needed me.

...I can't stand the thought of losing you. Not twice.


	14. Chapter 14

Log, uh, thirteen, I think? I don't know, I haven't been keeping track of these very well lately. I guess it doesn't matter.

Stupid princess, I never should've listened to her, You'd've thought I'd have learned by now to not just go around trusting you guys willy-nilly, but nooooo, now I'm stuck in the middle of this goddamn forest wandering around dare I say aimlessly looking for some piece of powerful technology that, yeah, probably doesn't even exist.

Whatever. Maybe I'll get lucky and run into Bright Moon while I'm out here, by some weird chance of luck. Probably not.

At this point, I kind of just want to find a way out of here. This place is giving me some serious creepy vibes. And that's really saying something for someone who's had to live with Shadow Weaver all their life.

Euuugh I swear I could hear someone talking for the past half hour. Like, they've been following me around and quietly murmuring weird archaic junk into my ear. But each time I turn around, ready to clock someone for being a freaky weirdo, there's nothing but trees. And...wait, oh, OH! So THAT'S why they call them the _Whispering_ Woods. Well, there's that solved, I guess.

I feel like I've really learned a lot today, and haven't been wasting my time tripping through an old forest.

Seriously, I still feel like there's something watching me and eugh it is _super unnerving_.

I've just got this consistent, terrible feeling of...dread. LIke something really bad is about to happen. Although I don't know how things could possibly get any worse than they are right now. But it's like this heavy feeling that's been following me around, messing up my insides and junk. I don't like it.

I'm starting to think this whole thing's been a huge waste of time. No, scratch that completely, this has probably been the longest, most loathsomely pointless goosechase ever. Uuuuugh why do I keep falling for stupid tricks like this?

Gosh, my head's just been so messed up these past few weeks. I don't know why I thought maybe going out alone to find this dumb tech or whatever might give me a chance to clear my mind.

Although, I guess I'm not really alone, am I? I've got you with me, following me everywhere. Like this, the voice inside my head that I can't shake.

I think...I'm going to try some quiet now. Or at least as quiet as it can get in this freaky talking forest. I hope I find whatever it is I'm supposed to be looking for out here soon.


End file.
